Freedom and imprisonment of the soul.

Day 27: Monday, July 13th, 2015
Steps taken: 13,557

I woke up, cleaned up, packed up, and went down to breakfast.  We also had a new addition to our tour: Ross from England.  There was a computer in the lobby, so the receptionist who was incredibly beautiful, possibly the most beautiful person in Adelaide especially with what I dealt with the previous night, helped me log on to their system while I ate my cereal.  I checked Facebook, and found out what I was dreading would happen on this trip did happen on Tuesday in America (A day into the Outback excursion.); that my uncle Bill had passed away.  I messaged my aunt and cousins to offer my condolences, and that I was truly sorry that I couldn't be there for them.  Then I messaged my mom & sister to let them know that I was okay.

I logged off, and while everyone else was eating I walked down the street to cry in an alleyway.  I didn't want anyone to see me cry, and I didn't really want anyone to know what I was going through.  At least not yet.  (I actually don't think anyone knew by the end of the trip either.  Maybe I could have been more open, but I didn't want anyone to worry about me or be burdened by me.)  My uncle had been sick for a year and a half.  When he was first diagnosed with cancer, he was told that he would be lucky to live half a year, but not to expect more than a few months because of how much the tumors had spread.  Despite all the suffering and rough treatments, he endured to see all three of his children achieve milestones in their lives, and for him to live to 60.  The last time I saw him was at his 60th birthday party in March.  I spoke to him on the phone a few days before I left.  He sounded really tired, and a bit confused when I talked to him.  He definitely was reaching the end.  Just like my father, he didn't get as much time as he deserved, but his life wasn't wasted.  He lived a good, happy life.  Before my father passed away, Bill tried to get him to forgive or at least stop being so angry at my grandfather for all the shit that he put my father through.  Even though I can understand why my father was bitter about most of my grandfather's BS, I still am glad for Bill trying to mend things.  My uncle Bill was a fighter, but knew when to make peace too.  I wish I could be there physically with my family right now, but when I booked this trip I couldn't fathom this happening until the weeks leading up to departure.  This trip was supposed to be the ultimate culmination of freedom for me.  Freedom to go where my soul dreams of, and to be free from hurt.  Freedom always has a price. (This will always sting, but there are others who make sacrifices for more important forms of freedom.)

I reluctantly went back to the hotel, and the receptionist smiled at me with such a sweet smile.  I wanted to say to her that her smile was the only thing preventing me from razing Adelaide to the ground at that moment.  On the bus ride to the Granpians it took everything I had not to cry, and have every thought consumed with what happened.  I started re-reading The Hobbit.  When I was six I saw the animated version and fell in love with the world of Tolkien.  The next year I found a copy of The Hobbit with the Gryffin like Eagle on the cover in my elementary school library, and had to read it.  I started reading the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and then my uncle Jimmy bought all four main books, and I read the Hobbit again.  I tried reading the Hobbit once more when the first movie trilogy came out, but I think I stopped halfway due to schoolwork.  I did re-read the Rings trilogy at that time though.  It's nice to read this on a journey especially since I will see Hobbiton in a week.

Our first stop of the day was to MacKenzie Falls.  Half of the bus hiked ten minutes to the base of the waterfall.  The weather until this point matched my mood: cold, windy, and rainy.  The rain let up a bit at the falls.  The falls were really awesome with a wonderful view of the surrounding mountains and valley.  The hike back up was not fun.  I yelled "I hate stairs!" from one of the top points.  I wanted to yell "Sorry, Uncle Bill!", but didn't want to explain that yet.

We drove from there to a town for lunch.  I was famished when we got there, but I went looking for a bank first.  I found a Westpac Bank, and did a currency exchange there.  The whole process took 20 minutes because they had to enter me into their system, but that's okay.  I had money again.  I rushed back to the meeting point, got a bacon & cheese roll at a bakery, and then some snacks at Woolworth's including a Cadbury Turkish Delight bar.

After lunch we drove to a lookout spot, which was incredibly misty.  We didn't spend too much time here although it looked like a good view where the haze was thinner or pushing away from the cliff face.

We arrived at the family run hostel for the night around 5 p.m.  There were a ton of kangaroo on the property.  When we first got there and Kodak said to look out the right side of the bus, Lazar shouted "Wolves".  I got so damn excited.  It was kangaroos though.  Dammit, Lazar! Haven't you ever read "The Boy who Cried Wolf?" Kangaroos are cool too, but not as cool as wolves.

The hostel was pretty nice.  We unpacked our trailer, and settled in.  The internet was a bit slow, so I didn't get much done.  We had chicken curry for dinner.  Afterwards I went up to the room and watched Birdman on my laptop.  I nodded off for a few parts during the 2nd half, but it was really good overall.  I enjoyed the way it was filmed, and how it looked at the psychosis and general mentality of actors and their craft.  Since I have done a bit of stage acting I could relate to some of it.  After the movie I went to sleep.  It was a long, emotionally draining day, but I guess that can happen in various ways while traveling.  RIP William Rocko Ferrara